“Our relationship is better than it has ever been and we have real hope that we will grow in conscious loving.” ~ Tantra Student
“Tantra Stories” is a series of touching testimonials from our Source School of Tantra Yoga seminar students. This story is written by a married woman who revitalized her connection with her husband after attending a Tantra Seminar. Learn more about our Tantra Seminars HERE!
I slipped into the hot bathwater fragranced with lavender and buoyant with sea salt. My partner came near and offered to bath me.
Squeezing water from a cloth I felt a rush of pleasure as it cascaded onto and down my body. The slightly rough washcloth found its way to my skin, stimulating and awakening my senses. I longed to extend this part of the experience, yet my body pulsed with delight at the thought of what lay ahead. In anticipation, I came out of the bath. He dried me with a soft fluffy towel and led me to the bed.
The heat of the water had raised my body temperature and I was not ready to be touched yet. So he fanned me gently with a Great Blue Heron feather. The exquisite nature of the feather touching and stroking my aura filled me with desire. I never dreamed that this gentle non-touch could send me to the height that it did.
Slowly the feather reached down, touched and caressed my body, bringing me more and more pleasure with each light passage. All the while, my lover was holding my gaze, intensely being with me. Continuing to honor my need for softness and sensual pleasure he caressed me again with a small mink garment, drawing me ever higher into desire’s embrace.
The Beginners Tantra Weekend experience repositioned my relationship with my husband.
Our marriage had been in a state of emotional divorce for at least eight years. We were roommates, parents and sometimes f*ck buddies, living largely parallel lives. We stayed together for security of self and family, but lived with deep dissatisfaction constantly gnawing in our hearts and minds.
We survived through indifference and the love I gave the same as any person whom I came in contact with. Love for the Being just because there is life.
I had spent many years healing myself of the deeply ingrained trauma of long-term childhood sexual, physical, emotional, spiritual abuse and neglect. While I felt more whole, my marriage was in essence over. December came and with it the dissatisfaction gave rise to jealousy and discord. We declared the marriage null and void and then decided to try building a different kind of relationship together. I set a deadline for re-evaluating our progress or lack thereof but I was not willing to live another 26 years with these same destructive relationship patterns.
The one area of our relationship that was even vaguely satisfying was our sex life. I thought that if anything would work for us it would be Tantra. We ordered the home study course. We both watched the Tantra DVD and I read the book, listened to the tapes, read a couple of other books and we began practicing what we understood. It was really exciting to me, as a Reiki Master and Shamanic practitioner, to relate the idea of energy flow to sexual Tantra.
I saw the positions in the Kama Sutra as ways to create differing kinds of ecstatic experiences, much like trance poses to induce differing kinds of shamanic journey.
As I prepared for this weekend class, I added yoga classes and took a few belly dancing classes to begin using more of my body for conducting energy in a larger way.
What I was unprepared for were the feelings of rage that began surfacing about two weeks before the class. I wasn’t certain we would even make it to the workshop. My instinct was to flee. Phil was a big help in keeping me focused and in a less reactive state than I wanted to be. I saw the weekend as being a pivotal point for us. One way or the other I knew our relationship would shift over this weekend.
Needless to say, the preparations that I made paid off in a big way and I continue to have heightened sexual response. My husband has a new interest in learning to feel energy flowing and has also begun to practice white Tantra daily.
He had received Reiki level I attunement from me a long time ago and as he requests I will give him as many attunement levels as I have to give if he so wishes. I credit Reiki with my ability to feel and flow energy through my body so effectively. Red Tantra is definitely expanding my abilities and awareness exponentially.
My partner is not yet having ecstatic response, but he is beginning to recognize that he has energetic blocks and where they are. At this moment we are planning to stay the course. We are good students, doing lots of practice. Our communication skills are improving and our defensiveness is receding. Our relationship is better than it has ever been and we have real hope that we will grow in conscious loving.
~ J.J. Tantra Student